I used to confess on Pretty’s page every Wednesday but when she stopped blogging for a couple of months I fell out of the habit. But, they say confession is good for the soul so I’m turning up Cage the Elephant’s “In One Ear” and here goes. (warning: I haven’t confessed in some time so this is going to be four or five times longer than usual.)
Confession 1: I haven’t worked on my new book for more than three weeks. The practical side of me says “what did you expect with all that reading for school and all those papers looming? The creative side of me is in a big snit.
Confession 2: I can listen to the song “Round Here” by the Counting Crows on repeat. This makes it one of only five songs I can listen to more than four times in a row. It also has not one but both of my favorite song lines ever “She walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the sand just like she’s walking on a wire in a circus,” “She has trouble acting normal when she’s nervous.”
Confession 3: I totally groove on Cage the Elephant and they are seriously vying with Jack White for my musical affections. Listen to “James Brown” and tell me they don’t make you feel like cheating on Jack. See?
Confession 4: I am working on a series of photographs that I haven’t told a soul about yet until now. They won’t be posted here but I’ll make a Blurb book of them when I’m finished. I’m thinking brilliance…or epic fail. Who knows these things?
Confession 5: I know exactly what I want to be when I grow up but I haven’t yet figured out how to possibly get from here to there. Luckily I have not one but two very good and only slightly less satisfactory Plan Bs. I am a Plan B kind of girl. I can only think of twice my Plan A has ever actually ever worked out.
(moving on to REM’s “Losing My Religion” to be closely followed by “Orange Crush”)
Confession 6: I have a friend who is beautiful, artistic, amazingly intelligent and super flighty. Half the time I want to tell her “For God’s sake settle on something, you’re thirty eight years old! Pick something, finish it!.” The other half of me happens to be incredibly jealous. Sometimes I want to be her. But I would not want to be married to her husband (nope).
Confession 7: My paper on Clarence Laughlin is going to blow. He was a highly innovative and creative artist. His views on photography happen to mirror my own and his writing inspires me. But, I’m still relatively certain that by the time I finish this massive research paper I’m going to hate his guts.
Confession 8: Some of Man Ray’s photographs of Lee Miller make me feel like never taking another photograph ever again. He was a genius. If I had lived in the thirties I would have been in love with him. There is nothing more to add to that.
Confession 9: I often wish that my Amber was my little sister. She’d be the perfect little sister. And then I wouldn’t have to be either the youngest or the shortest any longer.
Confession 10: If I could pick a younger brother it would either be Brodie or Johnathan. I can’t decide which. Brodies’s big and can beat up bullies, but Johnathan plays the flute and can help me with math. Brodie is going to be a doctor some day, but Johnathan can help me with math right NOW. Both are smart and funny. I’d say I’d just choose both of them but they would make lousy twins.
Confession 11: Sometimes I read my short story and think “What the hell was I thinking actually letting someone read that?” Other times I read it and think “Bloody hell I’m talented.” The same thing happens with the beginning of another story. One day I will decide which opinion is the most accurate. But probably not today.
Confession 12: I feel the most at peace behind my camera. When I get the shot I really want I always smile. I adore the feeling of being in my small sphere where nothing matters but shutter speeds and ISO settings. It is my special place of sanity.
(pausing to sing… “follow me, don’t follow me…”)
Confession 13: While Jane Eyre will always be my most favorite book I seriously love Elizabeth Berg’s Open House. It makes me feel like taking pictures. Don’t ask me to explain why, I have no satisfactory answer.
Confession 14: If anyone uses the Bible verses “I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith” for my funeral I swear I will stop my merry-go-round just to come back and haunt them. Seriously. You’d better hope TAPS comes to your rescue. I’d much rather “rage, rage against the dying of the light” thank you ever so much. I also like the idea of Johnathan and Brodie doing a flute-cowbell rendition of Don’t Fear the Reaper. Amber can come in on tambourine.
Confession 15: I have changed the subject of my Honors Thesis exactly four times. I finally found one that I am relatively (relatively is a very important word) comfortable with and I also feel really, super good about. Big bonus- I get to study Lee Miller, Man Ray (that would-a been my man), other surrealist photographers and continue my study of Clarence Laughlin (oh how I presently hate thee). When I think about the possibilities for this paper the phrase “over the moon” comes to mind. I am such a geek sometimes.
(Raconteurs: “Steady As She Goes.” You know I love you Jack)
Confession 16: If I could look like anyone it would be Eve Myles. She’s freakin’ hot. Yeah, I’m a girl and I said that.
Confession 17: If I could have just one thing in the entire world it would not be money or fame. It would be my own Tardis. I need one. Sooner is better than later.
Confession 18: I really do believe that when I cover my eyes I am invisible.
Confession 19: I cannot watch the scary parts of shows without covering my nose with a blanket (jacket, sheet, my hands if I'm in a movie theater), I don't know why but it is somehow a barrier of safety.
Confession 20: (Actually not so much a confession as a fact): When Brodie is president he is going to let me be vice president. We’re going to turn the White House ballroom into an ice skating rink and put on shows entitled “Secret Service on Ice” for our foreign guests (my idea). We’re also going to stay in our pajamas and run around the lawn of the White House in the mornings with rolled up newspapers shouting at people to “Get off of our lawn! (Brodie’s idea)” We will also make secret service personnel read the part about Socrates dying to us whenever we feel down and end every press conference with “I was not there when Socrates died- therefore I cannot be legally held accountable.” It is going to be epic.
Confessions 21-30 I'll leave to you.
Next up: David Bowie: “Cat People.” Back to Clarence Laughlin. Just remember “Some sunny day they’re going to come for you.”
